Tim, the Politically Aware Goldfish

When Obama was re-elected as president, a collective sigh of relief was heard around the world. Mainly from everyone (especially Stephen Fry). Now, I’m not usually that interested in politics, I’ll be honest… but the indescribable fear that accompanied the thought of Romney as president made me realise that I care. The world cares. After all, no one can trust someone who doesn’t drink tea.

Even my favourite goldfish was concerned. So much so, that he died an hour before the presidency was announced. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Although, this isn’t the first time that Tim the politically aware goldfish has knocked on death’s door. A few months ago, coinciding with the announcement of the carbon tax, Tim decided to jump out of the tank. Sure, a conscientious fish, worried about the possible carbon footprint left by his 24 hour a day tank filter… but possibly a bit of an extremist. I found him on my bedroom floor, breathless and barely moving. I placed him back in the tank and he eventually came to. Just like Jesus, but a fish.

Maybe, Tim wasn’t upset about the carbon tax. Maybe, he was trying to forward himself through evolution, jumping out of the tank in the hope that he would discover feet. Using the power of positive thinking, he could overcome his gills, find his feet, and locate Julia Gillard to discuss environmental issues. But then I enter, reimprisoning him in his watery doom, crushing his dreams like anyone who has tried to complete the water temple in Ocarina of Time*. Revolutionary tactics had no such luck for dear Tim.

When the US election finally came round, Tim couldn’t hold on any longer. He shuffled off this strange planet of ours in the fear that Mitt Romney the modern day Ganondorf*. Who knows, he probably is. Although, in a weird way, I’m kind of glad that Romney is around. Sure, he’s a horrible, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic waste of oxygen, but Romney has helped. For the first time in a long time, the world has united. Not in the KONY 2012 way, but in a wonderful, ‘let’s ostracise the bigot’ kind of way. I think Julia Gillard’s recent kick-ass speech about misogyny in parliament has helped too.

The world has united, and now I can go back to not caring about politics. All I can do now is say my final goodbye to Tim, my politically aware goldfish.

Bye, dude.

*I am sorry for the two uses of Zelda references in this post. I understand that not everyone will fully appreciate the wonder of Nintendo 64’s most epic game. Instead of explaining the reference, I suggest that you buy the game, or at least read this in-depth Wikipedia article. If you don’t like Zelda, you can go here instead. If you’re not at all interested in learning about Zelda, go here**.


**Indeed, I did just post a link to a grumpy cat video. Before you sigh at my lame, predictable 2012 choice, I have written a short review to hopefully better your experience.

ANOTHER GRUMPY CAT VIDEO (REVIEW)

The connotations of grumpiness may be related to the choice of soundtrack for the video. Similarly, the title, “Another Grumpy Cat Video” alludes to the emotional state of the cat, before the video has even played. Overall, the emotional journey of the cat is a little unfocussed, and the cameos from other cats didn’t serve any purpose to the plot. While this video is vaguely amusing, previous productions of “Keyboard Cats” have been far more entertaining and insightful. 2.5/5

(By Bridie Sinclair)

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