An Editorial, Commenting on the 2013 Australian Federal Election

For quite some time, various pundits and prognosticators speculated upon the outcome of this election and now the results are in. Loyal readers naturally wish to see what the Adelaide Comedy Blog’s editor-in-chief, Chris Knight, has to say on the subject. And so, without further ado, right, I’m pretty sure everyone has tuned out by now and with good reason. Who really wants to read another opinion piece about the election? It’s all Tony this and Kevin that and everyone is sick of it.

But it’s a federal election and so we all have to care, don’t we? We all have to pretend to find detailed analyses of the results and breakdowns of what went wrong for Labor and how Abbott capitalised on blah blah blah. So here’s my opinion piece to throw into the howling maelstrom of the political blogosphere. It can disappear amongst the other unclicked links on Twitter feeds and Facebook posts as long as it appears as though I’m playing the game.

How do people write these things? Is there a way to replenish the human ability to give even the tiniest amount of energy to ego-driven power-brokers who would drive over a dog if it would get them one more vote? I just used the word ‘vote’ in that last sentence and when I looked at it again, it seemed to make as much sense as ‘dslk’ or ‘jfsp’. I don’t think this article has enough paragraphs yet.

Alright, I’m about done here. I’ve made no points whatsoever, so no-one can care either way about what I’ve written. Still, I’m pretty sure no-one’s even read this far, or ever will. This is literally just padding out an article so it looks like it might be the right length. It’s a waste of time and energy, but then, isn’t that the case for all the other articles about the election?

Fine, I’ll write a concluding paragraph. Dum-de-dum-de-dum. Now we have a new Prime Minister, yadda yadda yadda. Partisan politics, evil empire, noble rebels, fall of the old guard, rise of a new menace, Star Wars reference of some kind. This is the penultimate sentence, and I know you just skimmed down to it, but I don’t blame you. Who could stand to read another piece like this?

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