Thirty Thoughts I Had Immediately After Bumping My Head On A Stobie Pole While Walking And Texting At Night (By Chris Knight)

  1. Gnuuhhh…
  2. Ouch.
  3. Wha?
  4. Oh, a Stobie pole.
  5. A STOBIE POLE?
  6. I just walked into a Stobie pole.
  7. Did anyone see? Nope. Still cool.
  8. Well, I must be drunk, because that is a thing a drunk person might do.
  9. Wait. I’m entirely sober.
  10. It must have been because of this concussion it feels like I have.
  11. That previous thought makes no sense. That is the thinking of someone who is concussed.
  12. Am I concussed? Either way I’m going to have a headache for the next three days.
  13. Text-and-walk injuries are for 16-year-old Gen-Y girls. Is that who I’ve become?
  14. I am 30 years old and I hit a pole with my head and I was sober.
  15. At least my phone is okay.
  16. I am so superficial.
  17. Who can I blame for this that isn’t me?
  18. I wonder if ‘Stobie pole’ has a wikipedia page?
  19. Curse you, James Cyril Stobie, 1895-1953!
  20. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot.
  21. No-one must ever know of this.
  22. There is now a giant lump on my head and everyone will know of this.
  23. What can I tell people?
  24. She’s lump, she’s lump, she’s lump, she’s on my head.
  25. Guess what? Just found out I’m a half-unicorn.
  26. I suddenly have the idea for something called a ‘flux capacitor’.
  27. You wanna know how I got this scar? Why so serious?
  28. Forehead scar? Yes, I am the real Harry Potter.
  29. That’s it. With one thump I have dislodged the last sorry remainder of my dignity and self-respect.
  30. Can this be material?

(By Chris Knight)

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