Welcome* to the comedian share house! (*welcome may be temporary; until no longer welcome) Thank you for moving in. Specifically, thank you for paying the $700 cash deposit. We really needed that.
When entering the house, you will be given a laminated card with two dates on it. The first is the date you moved in. The second is the date you started doing comedy. All disputes in stalemate will follow the seniority rule.
For instance, if a shared event occurs that may become ‘gear’ or ‘material**’ (**please see 20-page booklet: Appendix A: ‘Material Disputes’, also note Rule 2) the most senior comedian may use it first.
The Symbolic Mic of Power
There will be a vote and a ceremony to decide who holds this each week. No strict criteria, just a general ‘Be more like George Carlin and less like Dane Cook’ kind of thing.
The greenhouse does not exist. Do not speak of it or its contents except in Auslan, Semaphore or Morse Code. Silence!
So. You’ve just moved in with comedians. What next? Are you ready for some wacky adventures?
This brings us to Rule 1 (a): No wacky adventures. All adventures must be submitted using the proper forms provided (the hilarious Viagra-brand post-it notes on the fridge) and will be appraised on a case-by-case basis. Also note Rule 1 (b): Please refrain from use of the word ‘wacky’ or derivations thereof.
In the eventual and unlikely event of a shared event (or adventure), Rule 2 will eventuate: Whoever gets it on stage first wins. However, beware: deliberate misuse of Rule 2 will be termed ‘a major diss’ and can result in a Comedy Duel.
Rule 3: What happens during the Comedy Duels is never to be revealed. In fact, please never reveal that Comedy Duels take place. Burn this sheet after reading.
Rule 4: Use of the 8 ‘fatal’ jokes is allowed in Comedy Duels. Even that one about Hitler and the nuns. A controversial rule, but a necessary evil.
Banter is highly encouraged in this house, as are the following:
- Slapstick (but not pratfalls)
- Rule-of-threes (and other numbers)
- Props (yes, even props)
- Et cetera.
However, Rule 5 will always be enforced: No trying out ‘gear’ on other house members. It’s just very annoying and may result in a Comedy Duel (Refer to rules 3 & 4, and Appendix A).
Rule 5: Podcast recording is forbidden in the common areas. This includes bathrooms and toilet.
And the most fun rule of all, Rule 6: Have fun! As long as it doesn’t violate the other rules or cause more problems.
(Also, please only eat from your fridge area and shelf space. Bins go out Tuesday night. Please pay rent on time.)
(By Chris Knight)