A Male Perspective on Breastfeeding

Look, there’s a lot of opinions floating around out there, and I hate to add to the noise. Yet, I have not seen anyone else standing up and making this particular point: I don’t think men should breastfeed at all, let alone in public. Before you get angry, I’ve thought about this a lot, but I’m not afraid of controversy. So, here’s my perspective.

Men are not able to produce milk.
Listen, I know this is a thorny issue. And maybe all the science isn’t ‘in’ yet. But I’ve never seen anything that could give sustenance to an infant in or around my t-shirt area. None of my male friends have either (I took a small survey) and, just for asking, I’m not welcome at the pool hall any more.

Men often have hair around ‘there’.
This is not true for all, but most men have hair. Do we all have to shave there now? I don’t think so.

Babies prefer female breast-milk.
I’m no marketing guru with baby-questionnaires at the ready, but I’m pretty sure babies like what they’re getting. If they could, you’d hear them ask for ‘the usual’. (Note to self: invent baby-questionnaires)

Most men don’t know how to start, continue or stop breastfeeding. At all.
I’m sorry, but this is just how I feel. And by ‘I’m sorry’, I mean, ‘I’m completely unapologetic for my stupid opinions but I like pretending to sound considerate.’ This is because I feel strongly about the issue, and need to hear a similarly-strong voice. My voice. At a high decibel level, almost too strained to make sense. And lastly…

My opinion is basically invalid.
As a man, it is important that I have the last word on this issue which I think has something to do with me. Am I making a point? Is it clear and concise, or weird and vague? Do I even know what ‘rhetorical question’ means? Perhaps I don’t. Perhaps I’m a ‘complete idiot‘ or even ‘rambling like a madman obsessed by things beyond my ken‘. But even if all that is true, I still have nothing to say, and, indeed, I have said it.

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